Well, if I go buy the survey on my website, I have ALOT of worshipers. BWAHAHAHA bow before me and ummm......ok never mind. This web site is "G" Rated :) G for gay I guess :)

Well the last few days have been semi eventul. Alot of new regulations/policys have been put in place at the office (or as bkw calls it, Hell with floresent lighting). I haven't been sleeping well. My back hurts. My butt is sore (and for no good reason).

Saturday I killed some time by going to Fort Smith. I went alone. This was the first time in many many months I have went without tubby. It felt good some what, but also very very weird. I have gotten used to the company of my sexless lover. I took a package by Airborne Express to ship for tubby, and went somewhere else that I can't think of at the moment, and went to Wendys to eat and visit with Chris some if he was there. He was. We talked. I found out that I had missed Ed and Diana by just a few minutes. Chris seems to be doing well. He works alot, but hes working towards a goal. I can understand and respect that.

Today I went back to Fort Smith (tubby decided he wanted to go with me). I went to get a Ficus tree from Michaels for the office. Well I didn't expect them to cost $60.00. I left without my fake plastic tree. I called and told bkw to tell da boss to pick one up himself and bring it down. That away he can justify the money on it.

Tubby started to take is Prom Dress (teehee) aka Tux back, we got there and they realized that he had forgoten his shoes, so he has to take it all back down there tommarow. We did misc other very very boreing stuff too.

We ate at Taco Bell. It must have been gay day. A "very cute" gay couple were there eating, and a very very yummie Taco Bell employee was working (a little lispy and such). Tubby was kinda into the older guy that came in while we were eating. He honeslty looked like 20ish with a great body, but had some greying hairs and grey facial hair.

blah, i'm tired of writing. I'll add more crap that no one wants to read later.

-- WarriorGuy --

darrow@fuqed.net

I added a poetry section today. I'm not very good at poetry, but this is what I have so far. Enjoy!
Click here for poetry

-- WarriorGuy --
darrow@fuqed.net

(ARCHIVE NOTE: POETRY SECTION NOT ACTIVE ON THIS SERVER)

Welp, as some of you may know ( i may have actually posted about it ) but my dad has been staying the nights here this week since he is baby sitting my neice during the day while my brother and his wife are on vacation. Anyway, I think I have about decided on telling him that I'm gay while hes here. I knew he would come into my room while I was at work, mainly to put my mail on my desk. But his wife is nosey, I knew she would have to come and snoop. With this knowledge, I decided to leave hints about my sexuality around my room (i haven't came out to my father yet). So I have like porn and misc other items all over my desk (in hopes that he wouldn't miss seeing them). Well I left a porn magazine in the middle of my desk where he lays my mail down. I didn't open it to where it would actually expose frontal nudity, but just left it laying there. It wasn't touched, mail was laying near it, but the magazine its self did not look as if it was touched.

I came home after work for a few min and he got off on the subject of me getting married and having a kid yada yada. All I said at the time was "I don't foresee that happening in this lifetime" and some other misc items pretty much saying HELL NO. I have to go through this everytime I am around my father for an ext period of time (ext time being more than 5 min). I always say something to that effect. I guess he just hasn't got the picture yet. Anyway, like 5 min ago he walked in here while I was watching Trick on my laptop. He looked up and seen my Queer as Folk poster. I know he has had to have seen it before. But he commented on it. I quote "Queer as fuck huh? I watched about 10 min of that one day and it made me sick at my stomach. They are really promoting crap like that these days". *sigh* The uneducated fool about set me off. I just said. I love that show, I watch it every week. He kinda stuttered saying something then said "i'll leave you to your studies". I guess he thought I was doing homework.

Anyway, tommarow will be the last day hes staying here. I think I'm going to do my best to work up the nerve to come out to him. I really don't know why I am having such difficulty telling him. I guess its because I know how much of a homophobic biggot/right wing extremest he is on this subject. Its weird, I really don't know if I love my father or not. I know I don't have a use for him per se. It really doesn't bother me that I only see him once every few months. With this being the case, why should it bother me to tell him? Why am I afraid of rejection from a person I don't feel much for? Oh well. I'm going to leave more obvious clues laying around tommarow. Can you say centerfold? anyway we will see what happens.

-- WarriorGuy --

darrow@fuqed.net

I'm sorry for the lack of updates recently. I've been kind of out of it. I graduate CASC next month, so I have been trying to get caught up on all my back homework before the end of the semester, as well as just taking it easy.

I had decided not to do ANYTHING last weekend. I wanted a break, not just from tubby but from life. I was getting kind of wore down from having so many responsibilits everyday. I just needed to relax abit and not be required to do anything. I did however take tubby to FTSM to do something. But we were not there long, just about an hour and a half.

I got my new laptop in recently, i've been playing with it. It rocks. I've learned how to rip DivX ;) Encodes from my DVD player. Its a bit tricky to get the audo and vidoe in sync. I think I just need to interleave it more often.

Yesterday Mrs. Bell (McCurtain High Schools Technology/Computer person) had me come over and fix some stuff for her, and show her how to setup some menus in Dosshell (yes i know, antiquated technology, but for what those machines are going to be used for, its fine)

That pretty much brings us up to date. Oh. My Brother and Sis-In-Law are on vacation. They went to Corups Christi, TX. Sounds like they are having fun. I'm disappointed tho. I was expecting to pretty much have the house to myself this week. But my dad is babysitting for them during the day, so he decided to just stay the nights there, so when I am home I only get a few hours alone. No shagging for me this week I guess :P Heh, like the chance of that happening was big. I have no one to ummm wear out :) oh well, I was hopeing to run into John again, but I haven't seen him since that one friday. *sigh*

-- WarriorGuy --

darrow@fuqed.net

Who all thinks I should buy this shirt? Post comments if you think so.

-- WarriorGuy --

darrow@fuqed.net

Welp I feel weird. Tonight I took tubby to poteau with me so that he could go do something with Bradley (one of his ex boyfriends). I'm not weirded out by that, but mostly by the fact that I just left him there. He said he would get bradley to give him a ride home, but I still feel weird about it. He doesn't have a way to call me if something happens. I'm just worried because hes there, without his own vehicle and I don't know bradley. Hmm, is this parentalish? gees. I paged him and told him to call me when he came in. Hopefully he will.

-- WarriorGuy --

darrow@fuqed.net

I've added more photos to my photo album for those that are interested. You can check out photos of David Becker. You can also see photos of me earlier on in life here. As well as some misc pictures.
-- WarriorGuy --
darrow@fuqed.net

(ARCHIVE NOTE: PHOTOS ARE NOW AT GALLERY.VACANTSOULS.COM)

Well tonight was the night that tubby was going to start to go to the gym with me. I went ahead and went earlier in the day so that I could focus more on him when he came in later, and in case he decided not to go it would not interfear with my sched.

Well time came for me to go get him after work and take him to the gym. I had expected him to come up with excuses not to go. But he actually started having an anxiety attack because he was going to the gym. He has some bad memories of Junior High and gym class and getting teased and made fun of. Yes that would be difficult to deal with, but I don't know if it was me if it would stop me totally from going to the gym. I had some anxiety at first when I had started going, but that quickly passed as the weeks rolled by.

I had got him as far as the parking lot in front of the gym. He told me to just go, he couldn't do it. I was disappointed to say the least. I was hopeing he would go in and find that he actually enjoys it. I was hopeing this would be an activity that we could enjoy together. The more I think about it the more I have come to realize that mine and tubbys friendship is pretty much centered around two things. We both like computer stuff, and we are both gay(ish). Thats about it. I was hopeing to find another activity that we could do together that would not involve either of these catagories per se. I like hikeing and riding ATVs and swimming. Tubby likes none of these. He likes acting and theater. I like theater but I fear i'm not as much into it as he. I've always enjoyed the theater and I do try to go a few times per year.

*sigh* oh well. Perhaps he will try again friday when I go or maybe go sometime during the week. I hope he can overcome his fear and put the past behind him.

-- WarriorGuy --

darrow@fuqed.net

My My. It has been a few days now hasn't it. Well I've had kind of an interesting development lately. I have began remembering some of my dreams. I've almost never been able to do this before. Its kind of cool. I would like to know what has triggered the sudden change tho.

My brother and sister-in-law have deicded to take a real vacation soon. This is the first decent one they have taken since they went to Branson a few years ago (from what they tell me they didn't enjoy it too much). They've decided to go to Corpus Christy for some fun in the sun. Hopefully they will have fun. In the mean time, I will have the house to myself. Hmmm what to do ;)

Friday me and tubby went to Tulsa with Brian. I still really don't know why. But it was a change of scenery. Before we left stigler we stoped by Sheltons so that tubby could cash his paycheck. Well John was there, so tubby sorta got to meet him. I really wish I would have talked to him more now. It was more just a polite little hi how ya doing thing. What was cool tho was I saw him go in the store. So I went in not too long after him. I was obviously looking around for "someone" while I was in there. I saw him comming up an isle and I was standing next to a lane near tubby. He saw me standing there and he got this really neat smile on his face. It was cool. Made me feel good anyway. He was stareing at his feet before that then just had a brilliant smile. It was great. I still don't know if hes gay or not. I was going to probe more friday when I was at the gym but I was waiting for tubby to get off work so that we could go together (he doesn't want to go the first few times by himself) but since he decided that he wanted to go to tulsa after work with bkw we didn't go. I'm kinda bumed out too. Could have been interesting if I would have went in earlier. I'm going in today after work. We will see what happens. I'll probley go back with tubby after he gets off work as well.

Well Tulsa was semi fun. Mainly we just drove around and stoped in at Elite books to look at the umm Educational Material. Tubby bought an "Official Office Bitch" pin to wear, and I bought a friend a bday present (which I ended up going off and leaving at brians apt).

We were driving around and for some reason some guys in a Blue Ford Ranger started honking at us and flipping us off. Was interesting. I still think they have super hearing and heard tubby scream out the window "you want a blowjob?". Oh oh. And bkws floor is not the most comfortable place to sleep. I think I got more than tubby. His stomach was being weird and even tho I gave him the little pad thingy I was laying on, it didn't seem to help much. I fell asleep only to wake back up being cold. I started to dig around to find another blanket, yet I had no idea where brian kept them. I started to open a door in the hallway thinking he may keep it there, but It seemed like it was going to make too much noise when I opened it so I stoped. But apparently bkw saw me wondering around and got up and asked what I wanted. I got a blanket anyway :).

Tubby drove back to stigler the next day. We went to my house at first. Then tubby wanted to go to the office for some reason. I don't remember why. I stayed and slept. I really didn't plan on it. I thought the whopping 4 hours I had slept would be enough. I slept like another oh 2/3 hours or so. Got up. Ate. Went and picked up tubby. We went to Fort Smith. He started off driving. But he kept dozzing off while driving so he pulled over and I took over. He slept the rest of the way to FTSM. He was snoreing too. Got annoying :)


We went down to get some photos taken so that he could have some to send out with his Graduation Announcements. We got there and they didn't have any openings until like 6pm. We decided to just make an apt for sunday and come back.

Well we spent the rest of the day driving around (literally around) Fort Smith alot. We went to best buy and misc other places (the bookstore of course). Generally killed alot of time because we thought bkw was comming on down to Fort Smith. But chris ended up having to work so he didn't come down. Tubby called bkw back after I had hung up with him to argue with him about why he isn't comming to FTSM now. We both knew it was because he woudln't see chris. But tubby said bkw was a bit pissy with him. That put tubby in a bad mood. I did my best to get him out of it.

Well we both ended the evening early. We went to Catfish Cove to eat (tubby had never been there). It was pretty good. We went home. Both of us slept. I was asleep for like 4 hours when I got home, woke up, watched StarGate SG1 and talked to Chris some on MSN Messanger and went back to sleep. I slept until like 10:30 sunday morning.

Sunday we didn't do a whole lot in Fort Smith. We got his photos taken. Some were very good. We shopped Wal-Mart some. Stoped by Hastings. Stoped by IHOP to find out they they are not open yet (had lots of cars parked there tho). And ended up eating at Red Lobster. I had the Lobster in Paradise. I love that platter. Tubby has something else, I don't remember what. But his had crabs. Yes I repeat, Tubby had crabs hehe. He was also gauking over the guy working the bar. He left a little note for him. I dought he gets it.

We rushed home so that tubby could watch the practice and that I could watch Queer as Folk. I swear its a global conspiracy by Showtime to get me home early on sunday. It was a good episode. David and Michal are going to paris. Lindsey starts talking to melanie. One of the Lez Beans (i can't remember their names) is getting married to a gay french guy (just an arangement so that he can stay in the states). Of course none of the gang likes this. We find out that brian actually gives a damn that Justin may be going to college out of state. And Justin starts a Gay Straight Alliance at his school because of some actions of a homophobic student and teacher.

Today I have spent most of my day doing my normal office day drudge. I have gotten one of tubbys computers working for him. The other is on crack. I don't know what else to say about it. I'll mess with it more later. I'm about to get off work soon and go to the gym. Tubby should be walking through the door any moment now. I guess I will update more on the life and times of me later on.

Anyone else notice that tubby, brian, and chris seem to be an every increasing percentage of what I talk about here? Hmmm

-- WarriorGuy --

darrow@fuqed.net

Ok this week has been semi eventful I suppose. Although it does seem like all I have to do is blink my eyes and a week has passed.


I pissed some coworkers off yesterday. Am I sorry about that? hell no! I got pissed because bkw had a customer bring a computer in for me to repair and didn't bother to ask me about doing it first. That just pushed me over the edge. A bunch of things he had been doing increasingly more and more over the last few months just beared their head. I didn't like feeling trampled over anymore and let it out in an email. He bickered back with another email denying it all of course (i'm not the only one that feels what I had said in my email). Anyway our boss replied to it today and pretty much just said that we don't work on computers anymore, we email everyone when we have to take off, we don't rely on IRC for reliable communication and that we all take a week off this summer for vacation. I guess he decided he better give us a vacation before I (as well as the others) get sniper rifles and start climbing clock towers.


It probley wouldn't have bothered me so much to work on the computer if he would have just asked me first. But another thing that pissed me off was the customer was just nasty to me because I told him that he would have to leave it and I would get to it when I could. He started yelling that he was told I would do it right then when he brought it in so that he could take it back home then. Anyway he was pissed that I told him he would have to leave it and come back to it so he took it back home without me looking at it. He later called and said he was going to bring it down. He left it and appoligised for how he had acted earlier.


This also happened to be the day that I had to go to traffic court. This is the first time that I have ever actually been inside a court, let alone be the one that i'm there for. Anyway, I still have to pay my speeding ticket, but court fees got waived and it won't go on my driving record if I don't get another ticket in 90 days. I'll probley go pay it tommarow.


Well my TCOM professor got a kick out of the T-Shirt that I was wearing today. It said "10 - 10 *69. Our rates go down on everyone" I didn't even think about it when I wore it. I guess it relates to the class anyway :)


-- WarriorGuy --

darrow@fuqed.net

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a
felony trial - it went like this:



Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the
description of the offender running several blocks away.



Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.



Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called
offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.



Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a
locker room in the police station - a room where you change your
clothes in preparation for you daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.



Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.



Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.



Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with
your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room
you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and
sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.



With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess
was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this
year's "Best come-back" line and we think he'll win.

Damn it, Still no boyfriend.


I'm cute, and sweet and interesting damn it. You guys don't know what you are missing!!! :)


--WarriorGuy--

darrow@fuqed.net

Oh baby. I took tubby to get a Tux yesterday for Prom. I think hes going to like the one he got. He looks G R E A T in a tux. I've seen the photos from last year when he was at prom. We reserved it from Beaus Tuxedos. Beau is so gay, hes kinda cute. But eh, I decided not to go after him. I like the guy that was with tubby better but I got mixed signals from him. I think its just the salesperson attitude.


We ate at chillies. I had the Cajun Chicken Pasta with a side of grilled veggies. I would have rather had a side of the waiter :) Well the one we had was ok. But there was this sorta short, blonde (highlights), guy was built. I'm just horney I guess. heh. There were also lots of cute guys at Books A Million. Tubby followed one guy as he left the Coffee Shop and was going to talk to him I guess, but he ignored him I suppose. The guy was cute. I think hes the one that rode the Kawasaki Motercycle that was out front, (and then at chilies when we were there).


Well I met a guy when I was at the gym yesterday. I don't know if hes "family" or not. But hes nice. His name is John. Hes currently in the Army. Hes attending Connors State College on the GI Bill going for a bachelors in Criminal Law. From there he will go on to work for the US Marshalls. He will make about $32k/year there. He thought about going for the Army Rangers. Hes not sure if hes going to do that yet. He is origionally from Spiro but now lives here in stigler. Hes nice. Got a great body. I would love for mine to look like his, although a bit scaled back. He has more muscles that what I really want.


-- WarriorGuy --

darrow@fuqed.net

Well, last night I had a lucid dream. This is neat, I never remember my dreams yet alone have a lucid one, and one that was very very erotic. Tubby didn't want to hear about it (no he wasn't in it ) so I guess I will write it, hopefully I can still remember alot of the details.


Its springtime, I am at a lake somewhere in deep wilderness. In the background I can see snowtoped peaks of mountains, the sounds of new born birds chirping everywhere. There is a gental breeze. This is a type of day that can just make all your cares and worries melt away like ice in the palms of your hands.


I am sitting upon a boat dock on the lake, presumeable alone. Sitting reflecting upon all the beauty that is surrounding me. I am shirtless, and have a great body, basking in the glow of the sun. Next I feel a set of firm hands grasp me on the shoulders. I gasp for breath as I am startled. I turn, and see this gorgeous olympian god of a man standing there, with a smile that could make one believe he was solely responsable for the warm glow of the day. I smile and try to stand. He forces me back down. He kneels next to me, his hands slowely exploring my chest and back. He softly kisses me on the next. I groan in extacy. I turn to look at him, as I turn our lips meet. We are locked into the deepest, most passionate kiss I have ever experianced. I felt as if I was in sauna. My skin became so very warm and sensitive to even the slightest touch.


I slide off the dock into the warm caress of the lake. I bring my mystery man with me. The water below the dock is shallow. It is at our waists. I examine my new playmate throughly. His long flowing sandy blonde hair flowing slightly in the wind. The soft, supple red lips of his glowing smile. His brown eyes gazing deeply into mine, as if he was lost in me, studing my soul. His hard body glistening from the sweat and water. Hard pecs that are just begging to be touched, licked and worshiped. His washboard stomach giving excelent stimulation to my right hand, slowly brushing over them.


I reach under the water, teasing him, playing with the taught waist band of his trunks. I lean forward, Kiss him. And in a sudden, one swoop manner, run my hand into his trunks. He clenches me closer to his body as I explore. His member rigid and just the right legnth. I fully remove his trunks. I allow them to float away with the slow moving current of the lake. We are still kissing. His hands in my trunks. Exploreing my buttocks, slowing working his way to the front. He stopes short of gropeing me, in a teasing manor. He smiles, and dunks him self under water. He removes my trunks. He takes me into his mouth. I let out a sigh that echos across the lake. He resurfaces. My hands still exploring his body, I move behind him and take him. We surge up and down in the water for a seemingly endless amount of time, my hands in front, stroking him as we both plung deeper and deeper into extacy. He climaxes, he bellows a yes, one that is so loud it echos throught the tall, lumbering pines that surround the lake. You see birds flying off as they flee the trees. I am close, I'm about to climax...

I wake up. I am pissed!


I wake with my body tremoring, brow wet with sweat. I was about to climax in my dream. I believe I was about to in my sleep as well. This would have been a new experiance for me. It seems strange, but I have never had a wet dream. I don't know how common they are, but all my friends I have say they have had them before. I can't recall a single time that I have had. I have been awake for hours now, but I can still feel the breeze and the soft breath of my dream lover. I'm still irked at me waking.


-- WarriorGuy --

darrow@fuqed.net